and yet again

OK so due to finals I have no kept up with my blogging as I should. So to catch all three of my readers up thus far I have spoken at length to the whiny guy from the Bronx who thinks his two inch penis is somehow going to pummel the dainty damsel that is me. Hey mister ur creepy and you need to go lay down and think about sending ur tiny meat (shmeat) pics around, ur gross and i don't wanna!
Then we have the real date with a sweatshirt wearing know it all. I met him at a Starbucks on a chilly November eve. He was pretentious and I kinda liked it. Unfortunately we apparently agreed on to much or something so he had to never speak to me again. Oh well so be it. He is here because I feel that I need to be bluntly honest about when I am not somebody's cup of double shot, half caf, mocha, whip, supreme, extra Cinnamon, hold the coffee.
So then we move onto senior Suffern. So my policy on sex is that there isn't any until I have ur fully certified pedigree papers saying you will not be leaving more than what is expected. So senior Suffern knew this going in and after many lengthy and I mean lengthy emails. Dude was an aspiring writer, so he practiced in his email, citing that he is very particular about how his writing looks hence why her refuses to text. Cuz instant communication should have grammar check or something.
So senior Suffern calls a few times and we talk at length about everything from political views to messy houses to bed bugs and how skeevy they are. After our bed bug convo we have decided that those who skeev together should at least do lunch. So we plan to meet a week and a half later and I was told to expect a phone call that weekend. The phone call never came so I did the gentlemanly thing and sent a one line e-mail making sure my aspiring scribe was alive. He was, apparently he had done some thinking and decided that the distance was too far to be traversed without the guarantee of nooky. And for all of you who may be reading this nooky is code for sex or as my vernacularly enhanced friend put it "romantic compatibility". He meant sex, shagging, boning, riding the one eyed monster, you get the idea. Fine deal, go touch urself, trust me nobody's looking.
So then I started talking to this other guy. He was sweet, kind understanding, well educated, kinda cute, goal oriented I mean he was almost to good to be true. We talked every night for two weeks for hours at a time. We had a great time talking so the next step is to meet. So I, like every predator fearing single sexy ass female (lol) leave his information for my sister this way should I turn up dead they know who to arrest. So while I am out on my date she googles him. She finds everything that he told me was true he was a god fearing christian. A good man, and in a relationship, thank you Facebook!
Yup my chocolate knight in shining tin foil melted into the icy chill of the night. He denied it and denied it but fortunately I got home before him and did a little sniffing, and boy oh boy did he stink. Turns out that wasn't chocolate at all but a big old pile of s**t.
Alas I am off to troll some more swearing there has to be a least one good chubby chaser left in the world. And if not well at least I wasn't deterred.
Oh P.S. my chocolate Knight just texted me to tell me what a wonderful time he had and he wished me a good night, I wished him and his chick a good life lmao. I just hope she knows what she has on her hands, cuz it ain't chocolate.

yesterdays date

ok so yesterday i broke an online dating rule. I went out to meet up with a guy who i hadn't seen a pic of. So upon arrival he didn't make me scream and run but he didn't make my uhhh heart quiver either. So we had a nice chat over some tea and then we took a nice stroll around the neighborhood near a not so local Starbucks. He was a little dull and mildly strange but seemed really sweet. We talked for about three hours, one conversation topic was why he felt the need to keep asking me for hugs. Yup he did and yup he asked often he asked twice in Starbucks and about 37 more times through the course of the evening. I thought that my initial refusal would be enough but he, like any other challenged child, kept asking over and over. Finally i though 'ehh what could it hurt' so i hugged him thinking that perhaps this was his way of gauging chemistry and then with each hug i could hear his breath quicken and though gee i wonder if this is what gets him off? But alas I didn't listen to my instincts and i continued to hang out with my huge hugging freak thinking that i could find a grain of fun in him and then no it was not to be found. After hug request number 43 i finally felt the need to address the issue of creepiness with dude.
"Dude", I said, "what's up with the hugging?" to which dudes response was "I like to hug" oooooo K so i tell him how i see that as a way of getting close enough to kiss and since I'm not ok with kissing him at the present juncture of our relationship he should probably back off. To he only asked another few million times, each request dancing delicately on the line between sweet and psycho.
So as we ended our embrace filled evening he asked when he could see me again, and since I have little to no ability to be honest to someones face i said bumble bumble stumble stumble tomorrow?
Ok so the plan was to hang out with him again to give him the speech about how i didn't feel that you know ... spark and i wound up getting blown off! LMFAO talk about irony.
So regardless of my actual level of interest in said hug machine i still felt the need to better understand the psyche of this man. So i did what any other girl would do, enlist the advice of a male friend. And since my male friends know how to speak to me he simply said "he was trying to get laid and you didn't put out, not even a kiss let alone head. So yeah he has no interest in actually getting to know u just what's in ur pants."
Oh well, so as the song "I'm just a hug machine (lol)" dances through my head I will bid my blog adu until tomorrow nights date with dude of the week #2.

Back on the Scene

Ok so here's the skinny. I am a BBW back on the dating scene after demise of a seven year relationship. I have been back out in the dating world trying to find guys for about a month now and suddenly realized how different my life is. It's suddenly freakin hysterical!
After being so entrenched in my relationship I feel like I have suddenly resurfaced in a whole new universe. So it is in this new universe that I have decided I should blog it all cuz hey maybe someone else might find it as funny as I do.
So I will chronicle the life of a single BBW searching for MR. Right while holding down a job and going to school, needless to say I meet most of my guys online lol.
So thus far I went out with an African American version of my uncle the computer geek. It was truly as weird as it sounded. I went out with him twice cuz I couldn't even believe it lol.
Currently I am talking to a few other guys one shows good promise, but then again he cancels every time we are supposed to meet up, I vote that he's married but am compelled to find out if that's true.
Another guy is super entertaining he is looking for a female dominated relationship, and being a control freak my interest is truly peeked.
The rest of the guys are pretty normal thus far but believe me I will report their quirks.
Hope you enjoy reading as much as I am going to enjoy writing all of this down :)